atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
