So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize