Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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