My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
