I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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