i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I need to calm my uterus...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
