Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
