My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
