you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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