I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
