Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
