she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
