so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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