You work out of a Hotel?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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