Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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