Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
