having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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