Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
