Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Holy shit dude........stairs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
