the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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