for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
