Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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