remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
