When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
