I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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