How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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