well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
