kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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