Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
