i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We're using joints as your birthday candles
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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