Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
high people should be assigned attendants
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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