Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
