He kissed a someone with a penis
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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