Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
