Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
