The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
