Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
