And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
