So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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