I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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