We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Even my vagina gasped.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
