the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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