I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
