Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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