i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
