someone threw a dead crab at me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
