Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
