I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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