it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
