As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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