All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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