dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
