Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
