U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
