i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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