your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i now understand why vodka
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
