Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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