Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
