we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
