She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
